Welcome, you pansy-ass muthas!

Well, you found us. Before we found you, even. Congratulations!

This site is intended to thrill and amuse -- us. We don't particularly care what you think of it. The smarter ones of you out there may find the hidden message -- but for the rest of you, we'll spell it out: We exist, and we don't care if you know it.

Feel free to scroll through the dogma and propaganda -- we put it here just for you! If you find this material to be useful, pleasurable, or exciting, [Hey! You're one of us! -- Bennie] point us out to a friend! [but you'd better make it one you trust... -- ArchieD]

• Intentionally Stupid People
• Dogma [like this stuff? -- St Suzy] [like poorly-thought-out and blindly-followed stuff -- Doc @#&!]
• No Explosions
• New Age Philosophy
• Full-time Chumps [people who won't take up for themselves -- Herms]
• Poseurs [people who act like us 'cause it's cool but don't actually Believe -- St Suzy]

• Practical Nihilism

• Darwinism

• Explosions

• Memetics [look it up -- Herms]

• Mind-Altering Experiences [inflicted on others -- G4P]

• Righteous Indignation

ArchieD is a self-styled nihilist [tall, dark, and snide -- just the way I like 'em -- St. Suzy]. He's been described as "grim, but happy." His mission is to show everyone that each and every dream is actually a sugar-coated nightmare.

Doc@#&! and "the Institution" are at war. By his own words, "every suit and every uniform is the uniform of the enemy."  He's an actual, honest-to-To-Whom-It-May-Concern minister and has an accredited Doctorate of Metaphysics degree -- for what it's worth. [Don't forget to mention I'm a disciple of the late Sam Kinnison -- Doc@#&!] [How could he have any respect for any institution that would grant him any certifications or authority? -- Suzy] [If only he used his powers for good instead of evil... -- Dupe]

G4P is an advocate of violence as a form of personal expression [I blame the parents :) -- Bennie]. Her mission is to educate our active agents as to how easy it is to cross the taboo interpersonal boundaries.

Cheerful and outgoing, Bennie is out to set an example by "worshipping his own personal freedom." [Ask him about his pet G-Zombie Sex Monster. -- Doc@#&!]

Herms is a short dark-skinned man with a scientific bent. [Emphasis on the "bent"! -- ArchieD] He and the unrepentant ghost of Darwin have been chums for many years. Ask him about his "food-chain theory" sometime.... Also, he claims that the black race has been [so far -- Herms] poorly represented in anti-social psychopathic circles.

Voted by her high-school class to be "Most Likely To Be Seen On The Six-O'clock News", St Suzy prides herself on the ability to seem just like a normal person. Her battle cry is "This is your wake-up call!" She also claims to be the expectant mother of the next generation.

We honestly don't know much about him, but he's out there somewhere. If you can't find him, then he'll find you. [He just does whatever we say anyway. :) -- St Suzy]

Don't let him fool you. Regardless of what he says, it's his fault. Culprit likes sharp things and open flames and driving like a NASCAR reject and buying dangerous toys. [Who in the world would need TWO cattle prods? -- Doc@#&!] How could it possibly NOT be his fault? But it's never intentional...

Another smirking cynic of the "quiet-type" sociopath sub-genus. Wielder of sentence fragments to tremendous effect. Member in good standing of the Institute for Informational Algetics. (Their motto: "No pain, no gain.") [EvilT prefers to exist in text form or perhaps as software. That's potentially fairly insidious for a work of non-fiction, especially in the Information Age. -- Doc@#&!]

A variant not likely to ever be released by Kenner [possibly because the doll is produced by Mattel, you web-spinning twit. Check yer facts. -- Doc@#&!] [I am deeply disturbed that you know that. -- ArchieD] [Why don't you ask the good ole' Doc what he did with his sister's dolls, sweetie? -- Suzy] ["With" or "to"? -- ArchieD], Barb's most often seen on her motorcycle dragging the Ken-of-the-Week down the highway by his wallet chain. [Thank Goddess for chaps. -- Bennie] If you squoze hard enough, you'd get 1% milk. [There's a joke only one out of a hundred will get. -- Herms] Don't be fooled, though. She's definitely brighter than her headlights.

Rocky is quite possibly the world's smallest Norse giant. He's claims currently to be stocking for the tailgate-party-at-the-end-of-the-Universe. He drinks like someone who likes hangovers. A lot. However, he's strangely lucid for someone alternately under the influence and under the weather. [And I'm leaving out the "hair of the dog" comment, as politely requested by Bitin' Dog Barbie. Ow. -- Dupe] [Wuss. -- ArchieD] [Wuss. -- Doc@#&!] [SMART wuss. -- Barb] [That's SAINT Wuss to you guys.  -- Dupe]

Spiff is a throwback-to-the-future. [Someone here is quite the child of the '80s. -- Doc@#&!] He claims to be the very model of a modern major imbecile. He's totally [like, totally -- G4P] saturated by pop-culture and media sound bites and is damned proud of his 6-minute-maximum attention span. He keeps people and devices around to do all of his tedious thinking for him. He claims that the system works and that he, as a Grade-A Consumer, is a necessary cog in the Machine of Self-Destruction. If he doesn't do his job as a happy thoughtless chump, he's not doing his part in making it all come down around our ears. Your ears. [He gives me the woodgies. But in a good way.... :) -- Suzy]

A descendant of old English money raised by wolves in the mountainous rainforests of Central Italy, Sister Sera [ -- wait. Whose bio is this? Prudish? -- St. Wuss] joined a convent because the habits matched her wardrobe so well and she thought the nuns who found her cavorting in the wild were kinda cute.  [And now she's immune to the nastier effects of garlic, crosses, and holy water... -- Doc@#&!]

G.I. Jesus was reluctantly rescued from the womb of a philanthropic whore by Don Juan, who later nicknamed him "las secundinas cósmicos de errores," or "the afterbirth of cosmic mistakes." The short, high-metabolism-weilding bungee of perky cynicism and bad puns spends most of his life playing with the latest dramas begat from human kind's chronic case of pathological boredom. Nominally a mercenary who prefers contracts suited for selective memetic warfare, he occasionally takes on a middling corporation for criminal overpayment in exchange for gross underutilization of his skill-set within the employment context parameters. ...but the coffee machine works like a dream. [Accessories sold separately? -- Doc@#&!] [Plastic cross transforms into a machine-gun emplacement! -- Herms]