This Side Toward Enemy/Today's Secret Message

THIS SIDE TOWARDS ENEMY -- DO NOT EAT

11/2/00 11:03A EST @lanta

That which does not kill us makes us hungry.

Rumor has it that the warning in the heading above appeared on the casing of a "claymore" mine distributed to and used by the US armed services. The mine is basically a box with plastic explosives in it. I'm guessing that the box is about the size of boxes expected to contain food rations. I'm thinking that the plastic explosives somewhat resemble the contents of a box of food rations.

My bottle of Mr. Pibb had a warning on it, too. It went something like, "Contents under pressure. Cap may come off explosively. Do not point at eyes or face."

Assuming I'm stupid enough to shake up a bottle of refreshing soda beverage and point it at my head unless I am warned not to do so, what makes me smart enough to know that it's safe to point at my head once the cap is off?

"Duhhh, how can I drink this without pointing it at my face? I guess I can pour it out on the ground and lap it up..."

I'm still looking forward to seeing this on a bottle of Coca-Cola:

"A shaken-up bottle of Coca-Cola has not been proven effective as a contraceptive douche. Use vaginally at own risk."

"Mr. Pibb" and "Coca-Cola" are both registered trademarks of the well-known corporate mega-giant, The Coca-Cola Company. I freely admit that their lawyers can beat up my lawyers. I also admit that it would be pointless for them to sue me because I am broke -- and it's never a good idea to sue broke people.

TODAY'S SECRET MESSAGE FROM OUR ALIEN MASTERS

4920 6361 6E27 7420 6265 6C69 6576 6520 796F 7520 7761 7374 6564 2079 6F75 7220 7469 6D65 2077 6974 6820 7468 6973 2E20 2057 6F77 2E0D 0A0D 0A42 6520 7761 726E 6564 3A20 2054 6865 2069 6D61 6765 2061 7420 7468 6520 666F 6C6C 6F77 696E 6720 6C69 6E6B 2069 7320 5F69 6E74 656E 6465 645F 0D0A 746F 206F 6666 656E 642E 2020 496E 2066 6163 742C 2069 7427 7320 736F 206F 6273 6365 6E65 2C20 6974 206D 6967 6874 2062 6520 6172 742E 0D0A 0D0A 5573 6520 6974 2077 6973 656C 792E 2020 4920 636C 6169 6D20 6E6F 2072 6573 706F 6E73 6962 696C 6974 792E 0D0A 0D0A 6874 7470 3A2F 2F76 6964 6963 6F6E 2E68 6F6D 652E 6D69 6E64 7370 7269 6E67 2E63 6F6D 2F67 616C 6C65 7279 2F66 6179 2E6A 7067 0D0A 0D0A 5B2A 5D0D 0A0D 0A2D 2D0D 0A22 5468 6973 2073 6964 6520 746F 7761 7264 2065 6E65 6D79 2E20 2044 6F20 6E6F 7420 6561 742E 220D 0A

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